here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
