why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
