I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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