I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
