You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
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How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
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I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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