I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
