my sisters under your porch take her home
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
