I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
