Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
