Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
