Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
