proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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