You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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