dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
