Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
