Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
