I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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