I just cut my nipple shaving
Need sex. Gaining weight.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
