I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
