last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
