is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
