see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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