dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
