I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
