I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
