just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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