I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You can't special order awesome
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
