Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize