my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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