someone get that fucking seahorse.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
