she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize