Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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