just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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