You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There are leaves in my underwear?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
