We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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