he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
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Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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