So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
