If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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