Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
