omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
