when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
