I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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