Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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