that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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