to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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