Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
