it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize