How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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