Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
