I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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