Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
