I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize