the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
