After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
what day is it and did you see me today?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
