my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
