i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
