Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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