fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
