Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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