I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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