dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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