Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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