also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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