I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
