remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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