i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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